I’m listening to people talk about why they clam up when they’re behind the mic, why they aren’t able to fully speak their truth, and do it in a really fun, engaging authentic way. You don’t necessarily have to be an extrovert, in order to have an engaging voice, or that fear that I’m just an introvert so I speak more meekly and more quietly, and I don’t really want to express myself. No, that label of introvert and extrovert doesn’t apply to your voice. You have a voice and I want you to use it to have people hear you in your fullest capacity and to share your story. What is your message? Your voice is the number one way to connect with a listener. And even if you have the video portion, or you do a lot of social media lives, it is still going to come down to your voice. How are you saying something? What are you going to say? That fear of being judged will hold your voice back. Let’s dive deeper into this and unpack it.
It’s not always going to be necessarily your voice itself. So as an example, I hosted my very first webinar recently. For me, I was like my voice, I’m fine, it’s cool I got this first webinar. Though that imposter syndrome, comes creeping up. It’s like that little gremlin on your shoulder saying, this is your first webinar, you don’t know what you’re doing. What if the tech doesn’t work out? What if nobody shows up? What if nobody asks any questions!?!? It all gets at you, one little bit one at a time. And it is that fear of not living up to my own expectations. And if you let that fear, settle in to you, it will affect your voice. You’ll be closed off, your voice will be more quiet, or maybe creaky because you’re no longer breathing. That fear emulates and grows in your physical voice, and I end up hearing it.
So back to the webinar I did. You have to embrace the fact that yeah this is gonna be the first time, there’s always going to be a first time for everything. Nobody is perfect. Nobody has had experience for every facet, an item in your life, but you got to roll with it. The webinar was fun. I had a few people show up and I was able to get through the technical difficulties, but you just go with it, because what is that story that you want to share? What is that message that you have in your heart that will change someone’s life. Because what you say is important. The message of what you say, not the exact words you’re going to use. So turn that fear, reframe it, and use it to your advantage. Because like I said, nobody’s perfect right off of the gate. It was so funny at the webinar, when it was time before the voice coaching sessions, I wanted to talk to the people there. What can I help you immediately shift with right now because you invested the time with me? But because it was voice coaching, nobody wanted to say anything. It was that fear, fear of self judgment, oh I don’t want to speak up. Oh my question isn’t that important or maybe this question doesn’t relate so I’m not going to speak up. I’ve provided this platform for you to speak up. I want to hear your questions, and maybe it was, you know over zoom your video was up. Everyone shy nobody wanted to speak up and it was just so funny because I had just talked about the fear. Fear of self judgment, fear of judgment from others, and nobody wanted to speak up, until I brought that point up, and someone did speak up. And it was so great to interact and be able to share the knowledge that I had with someone, and maybe in turn somebody who is listening already helped them as well.
So I talked a bit about the fear of self judgment. But of course, as I touched on, there’s also the fear of judgement from others. Did you know that the fear of public speaking is actually one of the number one fears in the world; using your voice out loud, someone is going to hear what I’m thinking. What if what I’m thinking about is not valid? What if the actual sound of my voice isn’t what they want to hear? All these what if’s. What if my ideas don’t matter? What if I fumble over my words? What if I forget what I have to say? People fear that they’re going to be judged harshly for their thoughts, for the way they sound, and going in circles about what if they won’t understand what I’m trying to say. All of that doesn’t matter if you can put that passion behind your voice and what your true message is. And finally, just saying it out loud. No one is going to hear you, until you say it out loud. Because your message matters. Your voice matters. We can’t have the same voices, say the same things to us over and over and over again. We need diverse voices. We need diverse perspectives, because your experience is going to be totally different from my experience, from another listeners experience, from the person you were talking to their experience. Everyone has their own point of view and that’s how we create diversity in the world. Having diverse opinions, but doing it in a very beautiful way, not about having an argument for the sake of argument, but showing your stance and your passion behind that opinion, sharing your experience of why your opinion matters, because it does. And I want to hear it.
I grew up in a household with traditional Chinese parents immigrating to Canada in the 70s, and in that traditional household. You know my dad didn’t know any better. He was a dad, based on how his dad was a dad. And so all he knew was to raise his voice, because I am the man of the house. And what I say goes, the louder I am, the more control I have over you. Over the people in my house that I am paying rent for. So I knew not to speak up. I knew to only say something, when it was my turn, and my voice was squished right down, but I knew that wasn’t me. And I wanted to get out of that mentality, because why shouldn’t my voice matter? I am a person. I have an opinion. If you’re not going to hear me. I guess I have to have this duality in my life. So in my elementary school years into my high school years, I felt that I needed to be two different people. The at home, immigrant daughter good Chinese girl followed what the parents wanted me to do as much as I could. Being obedient. And not that I was a fallout rebel in that I broke the law, and had parties all the time, but I was the opposite of that good obedient Chinese little girl. I was boisterous, I was outspoken, I was loud, my nickname from one of my teachers in school was Motor Mouth Mary because I talk so much and so bad. So all of those pieces were ingrained into me and finally when it got time to figure out what my career was going to be there was no way that I could hide my true self anymore from my family and what I wanted to do. Because it turned out, radio was a career choice, who knew?! I didn’t it, so I went for it and got into the radio program and was like, Oh no, I have to tell my parents now. Speak up. I have to show them who I really am. I was freakin’ afraid. Almost like I was going to be disowned, almost. It got to that kind of a level where from a traditional Chinese sense, a “good” career would be a doctor, something to do with medicine, numbers, an accountant. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that my parents just wanted me to be able to have financial stability, to be able to pay the rent to put food on the table, and to have a roof over my head. Something that they struggle to do, and currently still did what I needed to announce to them that I’m going to radio school. But you work up the courage, and you do it, and you say it out loud. And it wasn’t that bad!
It was more relieving to myself, in my mindset. It was spinning around and around and around in my head. Oh my gosh what is he going to think, what are they going to say, well how are my parents going to react? But instead of focusing in on that moment in time, of what I am going to say instead of figuring out what a reaction is going to be like wasting my energy about future events that isn’t even going to come to light. And it didn’t. They were just happy I chose something, and that I was passionate about it. And now well over 20 years later, I’m still using those skills and built a whole radio career out of it and now my own business. My dad lives in a long term care facility now, and he’s got some hints of dementia, but the one thing that really really surprised me was the last time I was able to see him in person before COVID. One of the things he asked me was, how’s business going? I’m like what?!? At that time my business was only two years old and his short term memory wasn’t great. I thought he would just ask me about my job, how was the radio station, which he never really asked anyway. But for him, to then ask me about my personal life and remember that I had started a business, because I was so passionate about that, and telling him about it. He remembered. He remembered enough to use his voice to ask me about it. In his own way, then showing me through asking this question, that he care, and that he was proud of me. And that is something that I’m always going to take with me, because he was able to use his voice, and I was able to use my voice as well. Not in the actual words we used, but in how we asked each other these questions and how we responded, and without having that fear of judgment of how he might react or how I might react, but just really be in that moment, and sharing a connection. But I don’t say this lightly because my dad and I have always had a fraught relationship, we were always the one that yelling at each other. So to have that moment now to use your voice that goes beyond podcasting, that goes beyond your career or goes beyond building your own business, but to also be able to use your voice to affect your personal relationships in your life. To be able to share your story, spread your message and show someone why you are passionate about what you do as well. I want you to have all of that. Long story short, that’s what I want for you. I want you to be able to not hide yourself. I want you to be able to share your message. I want you to be able to say yes to starting a podcast. I want you to be able to say yes, I want to be a part of this event. Or yes, I’m going to start my own event, create your first webinar like I did. I want you to also say yes to things that will build you up, whether that is sharing an idea to your boss so you can get that promotion. So that you can say, yes, I’m going to do this for my business, and it’s part of my marketing, which means I need to speak up and represent my business, I represent myself in what I value, what I envision, and how, as my business, that we can best work together with you. And you do that through your voice, so speak up.
Your voice is powerful, use it. It is the number one way to create a relationship so that people can know, like, and trust you. You know those phrases, know, like, and trust. Those are three key things and you can do it all just with the power of your own voice. I want you to say yes to social media, because you want to, and you’re not afraid to use your voice. Not because someone says you should, or that you know you need to show up three times a day, post here post there, and then it becomes work. No, I want you to show up because you have the capacity to do so, and that it is fun, and that you know you can speak your mind and share your message without that fear of being judged by yourself, and by others.
So I’m inviting you to join me in community with other speakers, just like you who want to come out of their shell, who are finally ready to share their voice to create more diverse voices in the world. I want to introduce to you the Visible Voice Program. I’ve been creating this in the background for a while. It’s been percolating in my head for well over a year. And now it is here for you to be a part of because it is time, it is now. Now more than ever, we have been in COVID times for over a year. And are you sharing your voice still? Has it been easier or harder? We are all on Zoom, sometimes the Zoom platform doesn’t allow you to speak up. We’re all muted these days on Zoom. So how are you going to speak up? What are you going to do about that? And I would love to take you through this program, to show you step by step how to reclaim your voice, reconnect with it, and to release all these fears that we have behind it. Because voice coaching isn’t about showing you how to speak in a certain way with higher pitch, or lower pitch, or to sleep faster and slower and all those sorts of things to get rid of your vocal tics. Yes, that’s one aspect, but it’s a very small aspect, until you can get out of that fear, because the fear is the driving force. And so part of this program is to work in community in a space with maximum of only 12 people who can share our experiences together, build each other up and form a trusted community where we can share our fears. Because once you do, that is one of the first steps to unlocking it, and to start moving past it. And I want that for you. I want you to be able to be empowered by using your voice, and not to be afraid and hide behind it.
It is the pilot program is the first time I’ve ever offering it to the world and you are a part of that. Apply today to reconnect with your true authentic voice. I am vetting applications because I want to be able to highly curate this process to make sure that you are in connection with the right people to work together in community. I don’t want just anybody showing up, I want to make sure that we all have the same values, and we all have the same vision for our voices, so that we’ll work together. And because I’m Canadian. It is in Canadian dollars so what you see is Canadian dollars. Remember, US dollars would be a much lower price so for you Americans, you get the deal. I mean you’re already getting a deal because it’s the pilot program and it’s the lowest cost it will ever, ever be, because I want to learn from you as well to make the program even that much better for the next time I do this. Because the plan is there is going to be next time.
I can’t wait to see you in the Visible Voice Program because our world needs your voice now more than ever. It is time for you to shift the way you speak, and to engage with your listeners being the full of authentic us so everyone can know like and trust you as well. Thank you so much for reading my story, and I’ll see you in the program.
